The leap

 I’ve been taking anti-depressants (SSRI) for the past 10-15 years to combat anxiety. I remember sitting in my doctor’s office in my early 20s lamenting about the fact that I just couldn’t cope with this sick, twisty feeling in my stomach anymore. At that time it was more of a social anxiety. Any kind of interaction with people whether it be a group, an appointment, or a catch up with a close friend triggered this anxiety. I’d be sweaty, my heart would be racing, I’d have worms wriggling in my belly, my vision would cloud with stars, and my brain would be going at a million miles an hour.

It was really scary. 

It was all consuming. 

It was downright exhausting. 

My GP said to me I could try therapy. Or medication. Or a combination of both. She mentioned starting on some medication could balance me out to manage therapy a bit better. 

Little did I know taking that pill for the first time would create such an issue for me 15 years later. 

There was mention of side effects that would clear in a few weeks. Going on slowly would be the key. 

I don’t remember much about going on them, but what I do remember is the moment they started to work, and that little white pill gave me confidence and calm that I hadn’t experienced before. 

Life changing. 

I fumbled through therapy not really knowing what to talk about or how to talk about it. 

So how does that make you feel? Became more difficult to answer. 

I actually got to a point where I didn’t know how I felt. I just felt nothing. But in the same breath, I didn’t feel anxious. 

Where am I at now? In some kind of living hell as I navigate coming off these little creators of chaos. 

This blog is going to help me put words to what I’m going through, what I’m feeling, and any other part of the journey that offers hope and insight into a journey that doctors don’t prepare us for. 

With grace

Kristen